i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I puked a lego.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
