Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
