you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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