pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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