I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
