So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
