If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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