if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
