I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
