we're blogging at a bar
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
