Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
