Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
