I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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