"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
