ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
