Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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