I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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