threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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