dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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