I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
