Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
