Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
