I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
