a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
