I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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