you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
