My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sober January is a disaster.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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