Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
