So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
