i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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