I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
