Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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