People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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