omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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