Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
