Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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