Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
