she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
