Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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