This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
