weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
