At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
