i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
