my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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