WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
