Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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