I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
