every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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