I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
