8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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