So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
