i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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