Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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